In some ways, this pregnancy has been about the same for me as the last one. But in many ways, it’s been completely different.
For similarities, I’m about as sick as last time, which means throwing up about every day or so for the first twenty weeks. (Luckily a difference this time is that I have a medication that actually works.) I’m also tired a lot and have absolutely no sense for what gender this baby is.
And then there are the differences. In some ways, these are things that actually make me feel guilty. Bear with me – I have some confessions to make about pregnancy #2.
Last time, I had been praying and hoping for a baby for about 20 months. So it’s no surprise that when I got pregnant, everything was amazing to me. Every bit of tummy growth, every flutter, even going on walks or running errands, knowing I had a tiny buddy coming along with me. The sickness was bad, but it all reminded me that I was growing a little human. Just all magic.
Now I already have a little buddy that pretty much comes everywhere with me. Except he’s almost two, requires constant attention and amusement, and is learning what he can do (like use a spoon) and what he can’t (like dig in our recycling bin).
This little guy is my world. I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like to have two little beings in my life. Even though I have heard how much your heart grows exponentially when your next little one comes (I love Erica’s post on this topic!), I just have no idea what to expect. It seems much harder to connect with baby this time, instead of just feeling pregnant.
And then last time, I remember sticking my stomach out for pictures, while eagerly waiting for a belly to grow. This time it happened way sooner than I was prepared for. I’m still trying to get comfortable in this rapidly-growing body, and I just don’t feel like I “glow” this time around.
Now, if any pregnant woman tells me she feels like this, I fiercely and genuinely tell her how beautiful and radiant she is, and remind her of how much work her body is doing. But when it comes to me and how I feel about my looks right now, I’m resistant to encouragement. Instead I feel wide and way curvy and usually sick.
All of this seems just terrible to me. I want to feel confident and connected for each part of pregnancy because I know what it’s like to want to be pregnant and not seem to be able to. It’s heartbreaking. I shouldn’t complain; I should just feel glad that my body is on board and making it happen. But here we are, and that’s what it feels like.
Anyway, this is a big week. We find out the baby’s gender on Thursday, and I just cannot wait. Tons of people tell me about waiting until their baby was born to find out the gender, but sorry – I can’t do it. Yes, I’m also the one who always wants to open her presents before Christmas. I am who I am.
Meanwhile I am trying to enjoy this time as much as possible. I’m playing with my little guy, stopping to feel those little kicks, and dressing up in cute maternity clothes. Instead of counting down the weeks, I’m thinking wondering what this baby will be like, and what part they will play in our family. It’s a season of life, and even though while it’s going on it feels like forever, it’s actually such a short amount of time.
Speaking of dressing up, thank you to Pink Blush for this gorgeous maternity maxi dress! A good maxi dress isn’t always easy to find. I love the length, classic color, and soft fabric of this one – isn’t the drape perfect? It’ll get a lot of wear this summer, and I’m hoping to rock it post-pregnancy as well.
While the boutique has a ton of great maternity options, it also has an impressive non-maternity section. Looking to snag some new clothes for summer? Visit my Instagram this week for a chance to win a $75 Pink Blush gift card!
Thank you to Pink Blush for sending me a product for review. All opinions are my own.