Dates are precious, and also sometimes stolen hours. They don’t come around all the time, since it involves planning and a generous soul to watch the kids.
And then often on dates we find ourselves scrolling through our phones, showing each other pictures and videos of the latest cute things our kids did. Kind of defeats the purpose of getting a babysitter and going out. We could do that at home, with the real thing.
Something I keep hearing over and over is that to build your marriage, you need time to talk about things other than the kids. Which makes sense, and we try to get that time. But then in practice, it feels impossible. I spend all day with the kids, so they’re all I think about. James works much of the week, and wants to hear about what he missed.
To make your love grow even stronger, you have to keep learning about each other, keep talking, keep dreaming together. I am sure I don’t know everything about my hubby, even though he knows me better than anyone.
So it truly takes some discipline to talk about something other than the kids. But it also helps to have ideas! Here are some questions to ask on your next date night. But here’s what NOT to do. Don’t just go through this list and answer the questions one by one. Let these questions turn into whole conversations and let them go on as long as you can.
- What’s one way you want to leave a mark on the world?
- What’s one (or a few) of your dream travel destinations?
- What was the highlight of your week this week?
- What is something you wish you could change about this week?
- How can I be more of a support or encouragement to you?
- What are you learning about or from God lately?
- What do you think are some of my talents, or things you love about me?
- If you could go back, what major would you have chosen in school? The same, or different? Why?
- What are your favorite things to do when you have time to yourself?
- What songs, artists or bands are you loving at the moment?
- Who would you get lunch with, if you could choose anyone in the world, alive, dead, or imaginary?
- Where is your favorite place to go when you have time to yourself?
- If a zombie apocalypse happens, what three things would you take with you as you barricade yourself in the house? (My husband recently asked me that.)
- What things get you excited or fired up at the moment? Good or bad?
- If our life was a TV show, what might it be called? What kind of show would it be?
- Where should we go on our next vacation?
- What movie is most likely to make you cry (or sad)?
- If you could learn one new thing in the next couple months, what would it be and why? (And why can’t you go for it? Maybe start thinking about a plan!)
- What’s your favorite quote or scripture of the moment?
- If you could splurge on something right now, what would it be?
- What is an award or recognition you received that you are still proud of?
- If you could pick anything in the world to do for a living, what would it be?
- Who is someone you want to be better friends with?
- What would your dream house be like?
- What’s the most terrifying movie you’ve ever seen?
- It’s cliche, but…if you had a superpower, what would it be and why?
- When you were a kid, what did you most want to be when you grew up?
- Which language would you learn if you could, and why?
- What is your dream car?
- As you were growing up, which book or TV character did you relate to the most?
- What is something you’ve learned about marriage since our wedding day?
- With money as no object, what career would you pursue?
- What do we have to look forward to in the next few weeks or months?
- What’s something new that we can try together?
- What’s the funniest joke you can think of?
Obviously some are intriguing and some are just plain silly. But every little bit of getting to know each other better is fun and worth it.
Finally, it’s your turn: what are some questions you ask your spouse to continue getting to know them even better?