I remembered something weird recently; It’s a memory I’m semi embarrassed about.
I remember being nine weeks pregnant with my daughter and having a big cry fest in the shower. I hadn’t heard her heartbeat, I hadn’t had an ultrasound, and the only thing telling me that I was pregnant was a pee stick (or four), a doctor’s confirmation, and a whole bunch of annoying fatigue.
You know what I was crying about specifically that day in the shower? A cruise. A dang cruise, y’all. A cruise that wasn’t planned or even talked about but a cruise that existed in my “always planning ahead” brain as a fun but fairly low-key vacation to take over spring break with friends the following year when my husband got home from his deployment. He had left for Afghanistan one week before I found out I was pregnant.
At that moment, I knew that the cruise would never happen. Now I’d be having a baby. I know I sound very immature, but stay with me.
My brain soon started running wild with more irrational thoughts of how my marriage would never, ever be the same as it was when my husband left for his deployment a few weeks prior. He would come home to a wife and a baby and be a served a brand new role as a dad. I felt sorry for us that we weren’t going to get that transition period together called pregnancy. (Please don’t feel sorry for poor me. I don’t either!)
I am embarrassed and ashamed that I felt such insanely selfish and miserable thoughts shortly after finding out that I was pregnant. I knew that so many women would die to be in my shoes, but I just couldn’t find peace within the chaos taking place in my mind.
To sum it up, I wasn’t trying to be immature, ungrateful, or selfish. I was really just plain scared for the life change.
In a way I was right that life would never be the same, though at the same time I feel like things have also gotten right back to normal.
I used to feel like I couldn’t work out spontaneously anymore, but now I’m right back to jogging with a stroller and making use of our local gym’s wonderful daycare. Getting used to incorporating someone else into my workouts was an adjustment, but now I just love her company.
I used to get frustrated that cooking dinner seemed to take hours, but now the only reason that cooking takes longer is because I’m constantly stopping to laugh at my daughter who manages to make every kitchen utensil a fun, new toy.
I used to crave a dinner out with just my husband, but now we take the opportunity for dinner out alone usually just because we know it’s very important for our marriage; we always miss our daughter like crazy!
I used to wildly miss my social life, but at some point my time with my girlfriends resumed just like normal.
Mamas of brand new littles, if you are empathizing with my words and are currently in the midst of trying to find your new normal, rest assured that you have joy ahead of you that I couldn’t begin to depict through words if I tried. You don’t know what you don’t know, but what’s ahead is really good.
Just wait for that first smile. My husband wasn’t ready for it when it happened, and I’ll never forget how choked up he got.
Just wait for when your baby starts babbling for the first time one morning. You’ll rush to grab your phone so that you can record those first few attempts at talking.
Just wait to experience your baby’s first holidays. Special days like these are so much more pure and magical when you’re experiencing them with a little one.
Just wait until you’re cheering on your little to sit up, crawl, and walk. You’ll beam when he/she finally does it.
Just wait for the moments that are individual to every mom that take their breath away unexpectedly. Those moments will make you feel like you’re the luckiest woman in the world to be your baby’s mom.
I have a huge heart for new moms who struggle with adjusting. So often social media tells us that having a newborn is the most blissful time of one’s life, but in reality the life change can be very difficult. Just wait. You’ll fall into your new routine soon and find yourself again, maybe even better than you were before. Motherhood has a funny way of being incredibly refining and humbling.
When I’ve shared some of my most beautiful parenting moments with my “motherhood mentors”, they always smile and say “just wait”. I know this journey is only going to get more beautiful, more joyful, more challenging, more rewarding.
Erica DeSpain blogs at WhimsicalSeptember.com and writes about all things related to daily living – motherhood, marriage, friendship, DIY, travel, fashion, fitness, and food. A former English teacher and national school public speaker, Erica is currently loving her season as a SAHM and Army wife. You can find her blog here or on her various social media channels: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, and BlogLovin.